SERMON - Holding On To Guilt - 2nd July 2023 - Hamilton and Righead URCs
Listen to the sermon as preached at Righead URC below:
© Copyright Graham Robson and licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons Licence.
Paul is in trouble.
We are nearing the end of the Acts of the Apostles. It has been a bumpy ride for those early Christians. We have seen many deaths, much imprisonment, multiple interrogations. One person in particular who would be used to interrogations is Paul.
Of course, Paul did not start at the receiving end of interrogations. For the first part of his life, Paul, or Saul as he was then known, was the interrogator - meteing out ‘justice’ (as he saw it) to those followers of ‘the way’ (Acts 9. 1ff). We can read in Acts 9. 2 how Saul ‘desired of [the high priest] letters to Damascus to the synagogues that, if he found any of the way,… he might bring them bound unto Jerusalem”. And, of course, he was not bringing them to Jerusalem for a tea party at the Temple. He was bringing them for trial.
We all know the amazing account of Saul’s conversion, how he encountered the Lord Jesus Christ, fell on his knees, and was ultimately saved. He left behind his old life. He left behind his old job. He even left behind his old name.
But one thing that is clear as we read through Acts is that Paul did not leave everything behind. For while names could be changed, and new jobs found, memories were a little harder to shift.
I wonder, friends, whether this is the same for you? Many here have lived (if I may say so) long lives which will have, no doubt, been full of ups and downs. You will doubtless have changed roles, changed opinions, perhaps even changed names too. Perhaps, looking back a few years, there are things in your past that you would do differently now. People you would have spoken to in a different way, situations you’d have responded to in a different way, jobs you’d have done in a different way. For some here, Christianity will have been part of your life from your mother’s knee, for some it will have been a more recent thing. There again, those of you who encountered Christianity later in life may have noticed a change, whether sudden or gradual, after you became a Christian.
You see, there is nothing we can do about our memories. There is nothing we can do about our past. There are things in my life that I sincerely regret. People I offended, situations I messed up, and sometimes I can feel those emotions, those memories, pressing in on me from every side. An octogenarian friend of mine explained to me that, when you reach his age, you do end up looking back over your life. Some memories are lovely, and some less so.
I think Paul did this from time to time. And, to an extent, it is natural. After all, we do mess things up. We do make bad decisions or foolish mistakes. We do sometimes hurt those around us. We would be foolish to absolutely forget those occasions because, as we know, mistakes are only a problem if we forget about them, for we are then bound to make them again.
However, I want to offer you a different perspective this morning, by considering one incident in Paul’s life that appeared to stay with him throughout his ministry, question whether we can ever forget, question whether God can ever forget, and question what effect our remembering can have on our salvation.
The Incident
The incident to which I refer, Paul describes in Acts 22, which we heard read. In this part of Acts, Paul is (yet again) being made to explain himself. He has come to Jerusalem (that place he used to take his prisoners for interrogation and worse) and has been appprehended in the Temple. His being arrested happened because some Jews he had upset in Asia earlier in the Book happened upon him in Jerusalem (Acts 21. 27). They ‘stirred up all the people and laid hands upon him’. He was dragged out of the temple by the angry mob.
Fortunately the Chief Captain heard the commotion and, with his soldiers, came to rescue Paul from the riotous rabble. This was not so much an act of mercy, for on rescuing Paul, the Captain bound him in chains and demanded to know who he was and what he had done (Acts 21. 33). Now, in this instance it turned out to be a case of mistaken identity on the Captain’s part. He had clearly thought that Paul was ‘that Egyptian which, before these days made an uproar and led out into the wilderness four thousand men that were murderers’ (21. 38). On discovering that Paul was indeed a ‘Jew of Tarsus…, a citizen of no mean city’ (21. 39), the Captain gave him leave to speak and to explain himself.
And here is where the interesting part begins. We heard part of Paul’s speech read earlier (22. 12-21). Here, having explained how he had been converted, he picks out an incident in particular, ‘And when the blood of Thy martyr Stephen was shed, I also was standing by, and consenting unto his death, and kept the garments of those who slew him’ (22. 20).
What’s this all about? To understand, we have to go back to Acts 7 where, at verse 58 we can read how the men, angered by Stephen’s sermon, ‘cast him out of the city, and stoned him: and the witnesses laid down their clothes at a young man’s feet, whose name was Saul… And Saul was consenting unto his death.’ (Acts 7. 58, 8. 1).
Stephen’s martyrdom was quite something. We are told that Stephen looked up to heaven, declared that he had seen ‘the Son of Man standing on the right hand of God’ (7. 56), prayed ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit… Lord, lay not this sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he fell asleep’ (7. 59-60). This was not a normal stoning.
It is clear that this played on Paul’s mind because, in the verses of Scripture we were read earlier, Paul was giving an account of his conversion. We can find the actual account of his conversion in Acts 9, and one thing that is notable is that Paul added to his story in Acts 22. The bit about Stephen wasn’t there in Acts 9. Clearly the memory has stayed with him.
Forgiveness
I don’t think any of us doubt that God can forgive sins. After all, if He can’t, we are in trouble aren’t we! Now, I would suggest that, given what a Godly man Paul became, he almost certainly repented of his involvement with Stephen’s death. The fact he encountered Jesus so many times throughout Acts meant he must have had a pretty good prayer life. And, as we know from Scripure, from 1 John 1, ‘If we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ (1 Jn. 1. 9).
God can and does forgive sins. He can and does forgive us. The question is, can we forgive ourselves? Can we accept that forgiveness?
Can we forget?
Anyone who has been told to forgive and forget will know how impossible a demand that is! If we try hard, we can often find it within us to forgive someone, but forgetting is another matter. I like to think that I’ve forgiven my school bullies, but I doubt I’ll ever forget their ‘activities’! Does that mean I’ve not forgiven them? No, of course not. Does it mean, however, that I never think about it? Alas, sadly not.
But what about those things we have done? Those things we have taken to the Lord in prayer and asked forgiveness for? If we have come to God in prayer, asking His forgiveness, it is important we know that He HAS forgiven us. There is no if or but about it. If we have come to Him in prayer, seeking His forgiveness, He HAS forgiven us. There is nothing that we have to DO in order to achieve forgiveness - it is all down to Him and His grace.
But, even though God has forgiven us, can we accept the forgiveness? Or do we still think, deep down, that this past offence or crime is written against our name in the Book of Life? Sadly there are all too many Christians who, even after coming to God in prayer, cannot quite believe that He has forgiven them. Sometimes this is down to false modesty (‘Surely He can’t forgive me?! But I do so much wrong? And that was such a big mistake!’) - as if God is limited in how big a sin He can forgive! Sometimes this is down to unbelief or lack of faith (‘I just can’t believe He has forgiven me’) - as though His forgiveness only works if we believe hard enough, or cross our fingers and squeeze our eyes closed enough, or sometimes down to ignorance of how grace works (‘But I’ve not done enough to be forgiven. I’ve not earned it!’) - perhaps believing we need to go through some sort of rite or ceremony, or thinking we need to suffer a bit before He will forgive us. And sometimes it is because we have not forgiven ourselves.
I knew a man who I admired greatly, but who fell into this last category. He had made mistakes in his life but had come to Christ later in his life. But he just could not forgive himself for his past. A few people around him used to think this made him a saintly man - he was so holy that he just would not let it drop. St Augustine wrote of how he had broken into someone’s orchard as a wee boy and stolen a pear. He clearly hadn’t forgiven himself for he wrote, in his book entitled, aptly, ‘Confessions’:
It [the sin] was foul, and I loved it. I loved to be lost, I loved my rebellion. My shameful soul was jumping from Your firmament into destruction, not seeking anything with disgrace but disgrace itself. (Confessions 2. IV)
Do those sound like the words of a man who has accepted he is forgiven?
Ultimately, though if we cannot forgive ourselves, we make a mockery of God.
Can God forget?
William Sangster, the famous C20th Methodist Minister, once described God’s forgiveness in terms of a familiar sight to Londoners in the middle of the last century. Every day, boat after boat would sail along the Thames out towards the sea. These long, flat, boats would be piled to the brim with rubbish. Bags upon bags of stinking rubbish. The worst and foulest things you could imagine. The stench was horrendous, the seagulls flew overhead searching for food. They were well known and you knew when they were coming. The boats were en-route to the sea, whereupon they would dump the filth overboard, leaving it sunk to the bottom of the ocean. Yes, not very eco friendly, but that was then and this is now.
Sangster’s point went thus: God’s forgiveness works because we bring our sins (our faults, our waste, our rubbish) to Him (through prayer), and He takes those sins upon Himself (seen most spectacularly at the Cross). At that point, the sins are no longer ours, they are on God. We have come to him with hands full, and return empty handed. Whether we return again tomorrow is totally irrelevant - we leave those sins with him and never see them again. But God doesn’t hold on to these sins, looking over them every once in a while, tormenting us with the stench. No: He gets shot of them. Before we know it, they are along the Thames and dumped in the ocean, never to be seen again.
God doesn’t see them again. We do not see them again. No more are they black marks against our name. They are forgotten.
However, I suspect if you thought really hard, you could remember something you binned last week. Perhaps a cereal box, a loo roll, some mouldy vegetables? Suppose you want those back? Suppose you want to put those mouldy vegetables back in your fridge? How would you go about doing that? You can’t. You’ll never get them back. The only way you could ever get them back would be if the binmen hadn’t done their job - in which case they would still be where you’d left them, all the more mouldy and stinky.
So, perhaps you can see where I’m leading. The only way our sins can ever come back to us, would be if God had not done His ‘job’ properly. Do we really think that is likely? I hope not.
No, friends. It is an act of faith, sometimes a difficult one, but essential if we want a relationship with God, to trust that what He does, He does perfectly. There is no way that God has held on to your sins - if you have given to Him, they are gone. Forever. Completely. Disappeared. Vanished.
Can you accept forgiveness?
So, this morning I ask you a simple question. Can you accept God’s forgiveness? Have you held any rubbish back, thinking He isn’t strong enough to carry it? Have you offered something to God in the past, but still let it plague you with doubt or worry? Have you forgiven yourself and allowed God to forgive you?
Later in the service we will have our prayers of confession, a part of the service that usually comes towards the beginning but that I’ve held over until now. It is my prayer that, if there is anyone here who fits into the description I gave a moment ago, he or she will be able to encounter God’s forgiveness in a new and excitingly powerful way today. For there is no sin that God is not strong enough to handle. There is nothing that need torture your mind - for God offers you the perfect peace and forgiveness of His Son Jesus Christ.
The question is - are you ready to accept it?